Family Building Magazine - Winter 2002

Finding Balance
By Vera Snow

Intertility is a complex condition that only gets more complicated as you continue to learn about it. The experience of this condition can be a long and arduous journey -physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As with any demaning journey. It is important to treat yourself gently, no matter how frustrated or frightened you might become. It is important to surround yourself with people who will provide strength and understanding even when nothing seems to make sense to you. This is a difficult time in your life, one in which your pain and feelings should be respected and validated, first by yourself and then by others.

At some point - and this point will arrive differently for each couple and even each spouse - it is important to recognize that you cannot be in control of everything.

Finding balance is key to getting through infertility. In this case, balanace means understanding what you can and cannot control. No matter how your infertility is resolved - through conception and birth, adoption, or acceptance of life without children--recognizing your limits is the first step toward healing.

How do you surrender power and control? This can be different for everyone. Basically, however, it means surrendering to something bigger than yourself. It means acknowledging that you don't have all the answers and can't envision the big picture for your life. Thinking in this manner may lead to prayer, spirituality or some kind of personal ritual for inviting grace and guidance. But by admitting your powerlessness over infertifility, it becomes significantly easier to bear the burden. You become able to concentrate on what you do have control over, and let the rest go. With limited responsibility, you can optimize your efforts. Whatever the ultimate outcome of your struggle with infertility, you can focus your energy on healing and becoming whole.